From the Rep’s Corner

Inside the Soul of A Honest Disciple

If I could ask Jesus one thing right now it would be, “Did ministry ever make you think you were crazy, losing your mind or even that you weren’t even really the Son of Man and all the rejection and ridicule you faced was beginning to tear you down and doubt the truth?

You see I have many titles, many responsibilities, many expectations, many who call onThe empty soul my name more than they have ever called on the name of Jesus. All these humbled glories proceed to feed my flesh, leaving my soul empty, apart for the rest and sanctification of Christ. I look into the crowd of needs, each calling my name, each yelling their disappointment of expectation, many of which I have flooded my own brain with, and sadly my Spirit too.

You see a heart planted so deep within me, that sometimes it’s so blinded by the desire to please God and see Him glorified that it forgets the navigation of His pursuit to fulfill me. He says “slow down,” He says “stop,” He says “ENOUGH!!!” It’s this cycle that affords me such fulfillment and satisfaction, that now I realize, that’s what I am worshiping. It is in this realization that I am grieved and the God that I thought I saw standing over me in applaud is actually on His face weeping for me and my soul. He is weeping and interceding that I would slow down and come back to Him. That I would come back to intimacy, He is not looking for a quick fix, He won’t even show up for it. I find in my private time warring with these feelings that my Lover has stood me up, all because He knows my heart has hardened to His intimacy. You see the same pattern I have developed with “serving Him” has carried into my personal relationship with my Jesus!

You see the enemy is the master of darkness, darkness upon which we cannot see. He is the King of deception, deceiving us and our most purest desires. Our only hope is our rawness, our brokenness and the destruction of pride, which is only to be overtaken by the Kingdom and Glory of His marvelous light! So let Him in, let His light shine and allow yourself to be utterly overtaken by His love for you! So no matter how high you might climb in leadership, it means nothing if your not going lower in your personal relationship with Christ!

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