Root and Fruit of Behavior

Last time I wrote about the importance of conflict resolution and how confrontation is going to happen. It’s a good thing if we’re intentional about it and treat people with love. The next step as a leader is to recognize that often times we are confronting a symptom to the real issue…an issue stemming from deep wounds of the heart.

I referenced a story at the ELP Summit & Staff Day, remember that man in Teen Challenge that was eating dinner after a long day of work and study reading his mail? The one that burst into a fit of rage upon opening a letter from his wife. Curse words, tables and chairs being tossed around angrily…picture that…it’s at that point as a leader we make a choice on how to best handle that person. Do you match their level of aggression and demand respect? Or do you ask yourself the important questions like; was the food just that bad? Did their football team lose? There is an obvious behavioral issue here, but what’s really going on? The important question to ask yourself is, what is going on inside that person and what does he need from me at this moment – confrontation or love?

He just received life altering news and doesn’t need confrontation, he needs your understanding and love. You can teach him how to respond to hard things and confront him on his behavior, but in that moment he needs to know nothing but that the Father loves him and sees his pain.

John Maxwell uses this diagram to show there are surface habits and behaviors that give us a window into the heart of the real issues at play. He argues that ultimately, it all stems from an issue with self-worth. If you believe you have no value, you will naturally find unhealthy ways to compensate for it.

I heard another story recently of a staff member who went to his leader and wanted to release a student that continued to have behavioral issues. The staff was very upset that the student would call himself a Christian and still cause the problems he was. The leader responded with a simple thought, “That’s why he’s here!” You see, we as leaders and stewards of this great call to give hope to hurting people, cannot be surprised when students don’t react as they should, or outbursts happen. It may demand more effort for us at that moment, but how you respond in those moments as a leader will speak to that student for years to come. Did you respond with love and understanding? Did you confront with love? Or did you throw a discipline at him and kick him out?

Don’t get me wrong, I am for boundaries and use them to guide and direct people towards a disciplined life before God on a regular basis. However, I would like to challenge us as leaders to always be mindful that discipline is only beneficial if it’s pointing people back to Christ. If not, we are training people to act right, not be right. That’s behavioral change and it only lasts for a short season. We want to be people that speak to the root of the issue and guide people towards healing and a life in Christ.

This week, identify that person who is a consistent source of conflict and diagnose the need. Do they need to be confronted? Or do they need to be loved on? As leaders we must rely on the Holy Spirit for discernment and wisdom to see these times as opportunities to guide someone towards Christ whether through healthy confrontation or blessing them.

Article by: Dustin Nance – Divisional Leader, Training and Hope Outreach – TCSE

ELP Highlights – Dec 2015

Name: Michelle SheppardMichelle Shepphard

Age: 32
Hometown: Peoria, Arizona
Teen Challenge Center: Home of Hope, Casa Grande, AZ  Graduated : May 2013
My Testimony in Brief:
I grew up with a christian background, but never personally knew the Lord. When I reached my 20s- I made bad decisions and fell into alcohol addiction. At 29 years old- I finally found myself at rock bottom where I desperately wanted to change my life. I cried out to the Lord and he helped me! I was told about Teen Challenge and knew that was God’s will for me. I entered the program with restored hope and a new relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ!
The Purpose and Calling God Has Given Me:
I am now Education Coordinator of the Pensacola Teen Challenge Women’s Center! God has given me his blessing to lead these women to an understanding of His Word that will ultimately set the foundation for their recovery!
The ELP’s Impact on My Leadership:
ELP has impacted me tremendously. Each one of the 8 books has helped shape my character into that of Christ. In particular- Servant Leadership and Armor Bearer. This curriculum continues to help grow, challenge and confirm the calling that the Lord has on my life!

From the Rep’s Corner

Mentoring and Coaching – Investing in Others

Pouring in versus drawing out – that’s one of the simplest ways to differentiate between mentoring and coaching.

There is a time and a place for pouring into, or mentoring, others. Those who have more life experience, wisdom, and Biblical knowledge have a responsibility to pass on what they know to those who are younger, whether in age or faith. Paul’s word to Timothy was to “entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others” (2 Timothy 2:2).  Multiplication of disciples at its finest – tell them what I told you, so they can tell others!

Mentoring says, “I love you enough to give you everything that I have. I want to see you succeed; here’s what I know to help you do that.”

Life Coaching, on the other hand, says, “I believe you have what it takes to figure this out. I love you enough to listen and give you my full attention while you talk through this and create your own plan of action and change.”

Coaches use open-ended questions to draw out what a person has in them. Additionally, Christian coaches rely on the principles that God initiates change and that His sheep hear His voice. Coaching keeps the responsibility for growth and change with the coachee. Though asking and listening takes more time than telling, the impact is powerful.

Within the ministry of Teen Challenge, both mentoring and coaching have their place. Both say to students, interns and staff, “I’m invested in you.” They just say it differently.

Ask yourself:

  • Who in my realm of influence would benefit from mentoring or coaching?
  • What is the impact of mentoring on a conversation? Of coaching on a conversation?
  • When is it most appropriate to use mentoring in your ministry? When is coaching most effective?
  • What’s one step you can take this month to grow in the disciplines of mentoring and/or coaching?

Article submitted by: Angela Hastings (ELP Rep/Coach, Hosanna House)

Level II Link

Current Course

We are just 2 posts away from finishing Values in Leadership and our text: People First by Jack Lannom.  you can slow mail or fax me your Personal Action Plans at the end of the course. These will be graded as your final assessment so if you are not caught up, now is a good time to do so.

 

 

Core Courses

Our next Core Course is Strategic Planning and Decision Making and our book: Executive Values by Kurt Senske. This book combines two aspects of Exec Values PICorganizational leadership not often mentioned in the same breath: getting results and integrating Christian values within an organization. Executive Values serves as a roadmap for incorporating faith and values into everyday organizational life. He demonstrates how doing well and doing good are inextricably linked, and provides a comprehensive strategy for utilizing Christian values to achieve organizational goals. Your first post will be up on Monday, Feb 16th.

ELP Testimonies

My name is Lauren Eisenberger, I’m 17 years old and I grew up in Rahway New Jersey. I Laurengraduated the Teen Challenge Yuchi girls program on July 19th, 2013. Growing up without a mother was hard for me and even though I had a good family, I eventually became rebellious and started to make wrong choices. Friends and partying became the highlight of my life. As my drug problem increased I was sent to two rehabs but both did not work. When I came to Teen Challenge, I was faced with a new type of love, Christ’s love. I was completely changed from the inside out by this love.

My purpose and calling now is serving in ministry as a missionary to Asia and Africa. Going through the ELP program is preparing me for this future in ministry. It has helped developed in me a joy to serve and has helped me understand what a true leader looks like.

 

WHAT COACHING HAS DONE FOR ME

Angela Hastings

“Nothing is more appropriate than getting excited when God does something in our lives.” ~ Beth Moore

I find it interesting that the last time I posted on my blog was in August. But I don’t find it coincidental. I won’t even blame it on the busyness. It has to do with the fact that God has been doing a major revamping in my life and in my heart. Most of you know that in August, I started life coach training. Part of that training was meeting with one of our instructors for personal coaching. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the concept of Christian life coaching, it’s helping someone discover what God is doing in their lives and helping them to cooperate with Him. What I realized personally, was coaching provided the optimal environment for change. I don’t think we ever really even talked about the big thing that I wanted/needed to change in my life more than once. But over the course of six sessions in 4 months, God changed my heart and my attitude about the thing that was giving me the most trouble. Having an open door to deep, meaningful, intentional conversation and relationship, without the fear of being judged, with the freedom to make mistakes, and with the accountability to take action on what God is telling me to do made a HUGE impact on my life.

You know how scientists tell us that the earth is exactly the right distance from the Sun, and it’s at the exact right tilt so that there can be be life on earth? The conditions are perfect, even though right now some of you would beg to differ because your weather is a little inclement. But ultimately we thrive because of our environment. Coaching is like that perfect environment for thriving. Even now God is giving me a reminder of the sweet babies in Romania that were left all alone in their cribs and failed to thrive. It’s because they lacked relationships. It’s because they didn’t have the love and support they needed to grow. Now, I know that meaningful relationships are not limited to the field of coaching, but I also know that in our chaotic, busy lives, we rarely take the time, energy, and effort to get real and to let others get real.

People, God is at work; He is speaking to us. But if we don’t wake up and do something about it, we are going to miss out. We are not intended to walk through this life alone. And we definitely do not grow best on our own. We are meant to share life together. We are meant to challenge one another. We are meant to confess our faults to one another and to say “This is where I’m really struggling. Please pray for me; I want to change.” We are meant to take what God is saying to us and do something about it. There’s nothing magical about coaching. But it forced me to ask the questions:

What is God doing in my life?
What is God saying to me?
And what am I going to do about it?

And then,  I did it! No, God did it! God did something in my life. And He wants to do something in yours also.

Written by Angela Hastings (ELP REP Hosanna House TC, Jacksonville, FL) 

 lovingjesusmore.blogspot.com

Level II – May 2014

Welcome!

This month we want to welcome Hannah Larson (Columbus Girl’s) to the Level II!

Core Courses

Okay, so we are on the very last post of People First by Jack Lannom. Remember there is no test for this course. Email or slow-mail me (andree.aiken@teenchallenge.cc) your Personal Action Plan (PAP) fill-ins along with your assessment (first pages) and I’ll grade them and return to you.

The next core course is Strategic Planning and Decision Making and our text is Exec Values PICExecutive Values by Kurt Senske. “The book combines two aspects of organizational leadership not often mentioned in the same breath: getting results and integrating Christian values within an organization.” Executive Values is a “how-to” book designed to help you succeed in your chosen career without compromising your faith and losing your soul in the process. The first post will be up on the forum Monday, May 19th.

Electives

Congratulations to Phillip Talle’ (Jacksonville) and Sandra Marotta (Southwest FL Admin) for moving on to your electives!

As always, looking forward to chat with you on the discussion forum.

Andree Aiken

 

Enriched Culture – Accurately Acknowledge Who People Are

enrichedculturelong

“Catherine Lawes was a young mother with three children when her husband became warden at Sing Sing prison. When the first prison basketball game was held, she attended with her three young kids and sat in the stands with the inmates. She insisted on getting to know them and their records.She discovered one convicted murderer was blind so she visited him over the next several months and taught him how to read Braille. Later, Catherine found a deaf-mute in prison. She went to school to learn how to use sign language so they could talk. Many said that Catherine was like having Jesus visiting Sing Sing prison from 1921 – 1937” (Habitudes 4).  After Catherine was killed suddenly in a car accident in 1937, all the inmates were allowed to walk to her home unsupervised to pay their respects and every one of them returned to the prison that night.

Danny Silk describes in his book A Culture of Honor one of the principles of this culture as “accurately acknowledging who people are will position us to give them what they deserve, and to receive the gift of who they are in our lives.”

A culture of honor starts with us accurately acknowledging the person God has brought to us; we can only do this when we recognize their God-given identities and roles. Sometimes because of what we see when a student enters our program, it takes a bit of Diamond in the Roughmining to find the diamond in the rough, the pearl in the oyster – but it’s there.

And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God, you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.  But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light” ~ 1 Peter 2:4-5, 9.

“In a culture of honor leaders lead with honor by courageously treating people in their God-given identity and not according to the aliases they receive from others” ~ Silk.  Ever wondered why God changed Abram’s name to Abraham and Sarai’s name to Sarah, and many others who received name changes in the Bible? It was usually to establish their new identity. Names speak destiny over the person. Imagine when God said ‘Abraham,’ each time He spoke ‘father of a multitude.’ He was actively speaking over Abraham his destiny. “Father, Mother, son, daughter, pastor, apostle, prophet, Christian, human being – defines a person’s role and identity and when used correctly, establish God-designed relationships in which specific rewards are given and received to build and strengthen us” ~ Silk. A son will always be a son, a daughter will always be a daughter, a pastor will always have a shepherd’s heart.

Application

What would happen if we started accurately acknowledging the new identities of each person that walks through our TC doors? Ask yourself, “what is special, unique, and wonderful about this person? Then share what you see with the person and with others. Speak their life-purpose and destinies over them.

Those who come to us as students should leave as sons and daughters as well.