Root and Fruit of Behavior

Last time I wrote about the importance of conflict resolution and how confrontation is going to happen. It’s a good thing if we’re intentional about it and treat people with love. The next step as a leader is to recognize that often times we are confronting a symptom to the real issue…an issue stemming from deep wounds of the heart.

I referenced a story at the ELP Summit & Staff Day, remember that man in Teen Challenge that was eating dinner after a long day of work and study reading his mail? The one that burst into a fit of rage upon opening a letter from his wife. Curse words, tables and chairs being tossed around angrily…picture that…it’s at that point as a leader we make a choice on how to best handle that person. Do you match their level of aggression and demand respect? Or do you ask yourself the important questions like; was the food just that bad? Did their football team lose? There is an obvious behavioral issue here, but what’s really going on? The important question to ask yourself is, what is going on inside that person and what does he need from me at this moment – confrontation or love?

He just received life altering news and doesn’t need confrontation, he needs your understanding and love. You can teach him how to respond to hard things and confront him on his behavior, but in that moment he needs to know nothing but that the Father loves him and sees his pain.

John Maxwell uses this diagram to show there are surface habits and behaviors that give us a window into the heart of the real issues at play. He argues that ultimately, it all stems from an issue with self-worth. If you believe you have no value, you will naturally find unhealthy ways to compensate for it.

I heard another story recently of a staff member who went to his leader and wanted to release a student that continued to have behavioral issues. The staff was very upset that the student would call himself a Christian and still cause the problems he was. The leader responded with a simple thought, “That’s why he’s here!” You see, we as leaders and stewards of this great call to give hope to hurting people, cannot be surprised when students don’t react as they should, or outbursts happen. It may demand more effort for us at that moment, but how you respond in those moments as a leader will speak to that student for years to come. Did you respond with love and understanding? Did you confront with love? Or did you throw a discipline at him and kick him out?

Don’t get me wrong, I am for boundaries and use them to guide and direct people towards a disciplined life before God on a regular basis. However, I would like to challenge us as leaders to always be mindful that discipline is only beneficial if it’s pointing people back to Christ. If not, we are training people to act right, not be right. That’s behavioral change and it only lasts for a short season. We want to be people that speak to the root of the issue and guide people towards healing and a life in Christ.

This week, identify that person who is a consistent source of conflict and diagnose the need. Do they need to be confronted? Or do they need to be loved on? As leaders we must rely on the Holy Spirit for discernment and wisdom to see these times as opportunities to guide someone towards Christ whether through healthy confrontation or blessing them.

Article by: Dustin Nance – Divisional Leader, Training and Hope Outreach – TCSE

Conflict Resolution

Whenever I think of conflict resolution I go back to my many hours of management training…watching “The Office”! There’s an episode where the manager, Michael Scott, takes the HR Manual and decides to resolve a major conflict in the office. Oscar and Angelia are in conflict over a poster that Angelia has up. It’s a picture of babies playing in a jazz band. Oscar finds it offensive and believes it should be taken down, however Angelia loves it and wants to see it every day. Michael steps in, being the great manager that he is, and decides to resolve this in one of the 6 models presented in the HR Manual. He chooses the Win, Win Win model, this is the one where all parties win including the moderator. He saves the day by making Oscar wear a t-shirt with the image on it so he doesn’t have to see it and Angelia can see it all day!

Conflict Resolution

While I would not suggest this as a model or resolution to issues like this in your area of influence, I would suggest taking on conflict resolution and confrontation with his intentionality in this episode. Generally speaking, people do not enjoy conflict or confrontation, however it is a necessary part of leadership.

While preparing for the Summit/Staff Days I have been reading through John Maxwell’s EQUIP teaching on “Leading When Times are Tough”. One of the topics challenges us on the fact that confrontation is biblical and gives multiple examples found in scripture. (II Corinthians 10:4-5; I Thessalonians 5:14; II Timothy 4:2-4; Colossians 1:28; Titus 1:13)

He states “your goal is to see them transformed by the power of God…not condemnation, but restoration”. Those we lead need to know that we love them, but need to know that we love truth more than anything!

I have taken a few of Maxwell’s Steps Toward Effective Confrontation and condensed them for you:

  1. Pray through your own anger and initiate the contact.
  • Don’t let emotion lead you. Wait until you’re objective, but deal with the issue             before they become too big.
  •  Don’t wait for them, scripture beckons you t make things right whether you are          the offender or the offended person.
  1. Explain what you have seen and/or heard and how you understand it.
  • Bring up the issue, and explain you don’t understand what’s happened.
  • The meeting may be more of a clarification than a confrontation. Give them the         benefit of the doubt and allow them to explain themselves.
  • It’s important to not attribute motives in this step, make this meeting a “fact                 finding meeting” initially.
  1. Listen and allow them to respond.
  • You must stop and allow them to respond. They may present a new perspective      that will help you both.
  • They may also throw up on you, listen anyway.
  1. Establish forgiveness and repentance, if necessary.
  • Connect the issue you are correcting with who they are in Christ. Don’t conclude       the meeting until forgiveness is extended and issues are clear and resolved.
  1. Pray and affirm you appreciation as you close your time together.
  •  Always close these times with prayer. Give them hope, and remind them od their     place in God’s heart and yours; help them never to question that they are loved.

Another good example of how to walk through confrontation is found in Ken Blanchard’s “The New One Minute Manager”. He calls it a One Minute Re-Direct and it breaks down like this:

  1. Re-Direct people as soon as possible.
  2. Confirm the facts first, and review the mistake together—be specific.
  3. Express how you feel about the mistake and it’s impact on results.
  4. Pause – be quiet for a moment to allow people time to feel concerned about what they’ve done.
  5. Remember to let them know that they’re better than their mistakes, and that you think well of them as a person.
  6. Remind them that you have confidence and trust in them, and support their success.
  7. Realize that when the Re-Direct is over, it’s over.

For me, one of the most powerful points of both of these methods for confrontation is the fact finding meeting. I am a leader that naturally assumes people’s motives and this step has helped me slow down and explain how I see the situation and ask what actually happened. Sometimes I have been right and me slowing down allowed the person to see their wrong doing and repent. Other times I have been wrong and it was a good thing I did not come into the meeting swinging and making accusations.

Confrontation is going to happen in any healthy organization and it certainly happens in Teen Challenge. I challenge you as leaders to be as intentional as possible when approaching these conversations. You have the opportunity to correct and build people up as an important part of the body of Christ or tear people down and leave them in your wake.

Article by: Dustin Nance, DL of Training & Hope Outreach

Rep’s Link – Jul 2016

Welcome

This month we welcome Sharon Varasse as the ELP Rep for the Emerging Leaders College. Sharon is a TC graduate of Women at the Well and a recent graduate of ELC. Welcome Sharon! Thanks for answering the call of God to raise up the next generation of leaders!

Level I Adult

This month we start our new course Team Building and our text: The 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player by John Maxwell. Maxwell presents a clear analysis of the personal characteristics necessary for becoming an effective team player. He outlines the success of team players who have been Intentional – making every action count toward a long-term goal. Relational – focused on others. Selfless – willing to take a subordinate role for the sake of the team. Tenacious – hardworking and optimistic in the face of setbacks. Your emerging student leaders will learn a lot about working with a team from this course.

Level I Adolescent

Our course for the Adolescent track is Servant Leadership and our text: Help, I am a Student Leader by Doug Fields. Although this book is set in the context of a youth ministry, our emerging leaders will learn how Jesus led others and figure out how to be more helpful to everyone. They’ll discover the secrets of getting others involved, learn how to listen better and deepen their own faith as a young leader.

Monthly Book Orders and Grades

Southeast region Rep’s can go to Google Drive and search for ELP Monthly Order Form and Grade Sheet Edited. Look for your center’s name in the tabs at the bottom and fill in your information. No need to save or email the spreadsheet (Google Drive saves it and we can access the info from my Drive). If you place an initial order on the form and update the order later (i.e. add 2 more books) after we have ordered your books, please send and email to andree.aiken@teenchallenge.cc. All new applications must be in by the 10th of the month for students starting the 15th.

The Value of Coaching – One ED’s Experience

As John Maxwell says “Everything rises and falls on leadership.” This truth can have significant  impact on a  person; empowering them as person and a leader, and at times overwhelming them. In my life and leadership I have found myself at both ends of that pendulum at one time or another, struggling to navigate my way through challenges associated with life’s success and the hard times that life provides. Recently I have been working with a friend who I not only respect but has been working in the field of consulting and coaching to professionals, leaders and pastors and in doing so discovered a key to success, I am not alone! The question is how do I take advantage of the resource of people God has given me? What does that look like?

For me this process is to summed up in this quote by Zuse and Skiffington:    

“Coaching is a conversation, a dialogue, whereby the coach and the individual interact in a dynamic exchange to achieve goals, enhance performance and move the individual forward to greater success.”

To do this Scott and I meet weekly at a consistent time and place a focused effort  addressing the issues that we are coming together to address. Whether the topics are business or personal this meeting is a safe place that I can be transparent and honest and expect honest feedback and guidance. We work on strategic planning, goal developing peoplesetting and organizational development. We cover staffing issues, budget concerns, upline struggles as well as failures and success. This is not a class or webinar this is another person helping me process through my real world circumstances. Not a boss or subordinate but a partner who is helping me find the best answer to the needs of my life and business realities. A coach to challenge and encourage me to be and do my absolute best in every situation. A coach is not a player on my team he is a person who is on my side and wants me to win because our lives and values are aligned through intentional choices and commitment to one another.

The writer of Proverbs tells us that “Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory.”:… Together we win!

Article by: David Kincaid, Executive Director – Middle GA TC

Level II – Dec 2015

Congratulations!

Congratulations to Laurie Lusink (Davie Women’s) for completing the Level II!

Core Courses

Our core course this month is Leadership Principles and our text: 21 Irrefutable Laws of21 Laws PIC Leadership by John Maxwell. With Learning the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership you will be trained on how to become a better and more productive leader. Staff will discover the 21 laws that make leadership work successfully and learn valuable techniques that will help them to improve their abilities in that area.  This study comes with a promise that if you know these laws and do them systematically, any team will succeed beyond all expectations.  “Follow these laws and people will follow you.”

Look out for your book and participant guide from johnmaxwell.com and the DVD’s from the ELP Office. Upon completion of the course, you must return the DVD’s to the ELP Office or your center will be charged the cost of the set ($299.99).

Your first post will be up on the forum Tuesday, December 15th. You’ll make an initial post and respond to someone’s post.

 

Rep’s Link – Oct 2015

Level I Adult

Our new course is Team Building and our text: 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player by John Maxwell. In this course you will learn the personal characteristics necessary for becoming an effective team player. Maxwell outlines the success of team players who have been:

  • Intentional – making every action count toward a long-term goal
  • Relational – focused on others
  • Selfless – willing to take a subordinate role for the team
  • Tenacious – hardworking and optimistic in the face of setbacks

Level I Adolescent

Our course for the Adolescent track is Self-Leadership and our text: Habitudes I – the 51i+vfRPCtL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_Art of Self-leadership  by Dr. Tim Elmore. We believe leadership is a 360-degree proposition. The leadership journey begins with self-leadership; we must lead ourselves before we lead anyone else.

 

Monthly Book Orders and Grades

Southeast region Rep’s can go to Google Drive and search for ELP Monthly Order Form and Grade Sheet Edited. Look for your center’s name in the tabs at the bottom and fill in your information. No need to save or email the spreadsheet (Google Drive saves it and we can access the info from my Drive). If you place an initial order on the form and update the order later (i.e. add 2 more books) after we have ordered your books, please send to me at andree.aiken@teenchallenge.cc. All new applications must be in by the 10th of the month for students starting the 15th.

Level II

ELP Summit

Registration is open for the ELP Summit Apr 23-25. If you have not already done so, go ahead and register. This year is the 10th Anniversary of the ELP and we are excited to celebrate with you, our Emerging Leaders for aspiring to greater levels of responsibility within Teen Challenge.

Welcome

This month we welcome Dawn Gallagher (Pen W), Billy Crocker (Southwest FL M), Becca Price (Women at the Well, PA) and Justin Hartmann (Jax) to the Level II. I’m looking forward to work with you and see how God matures you and your leadership over the next few months.

Electives

Congratulations to Lisa Collier, Stephanie McGreevy, Kristy Sewell (Women at the Well), Hannah Larson (Columbus Girls) and Thomas Payne (Jax) for moving on to your electives!

Core Courses

Our next Core Course is Leadership Principles and our book: 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John Maxwell. Maxwell talks about how leadership requires you to do 21 Laws PICmore than one thing well. To do leadership well, we must do 21 things well. Whether you are a follower who is just beginning to discover the impact of leadership or a natural leader who already has followers, you can become a better leader. No matter where you are in the leadership process, the greater the number of laws you learn, the better leader you will become.

We will send you the DVD set from the office. When the course is finished please return the DVD’s, if not your center will be charged the cost ($299) of the DVD’s. Your first post will be up on the forum Monday, March 16th

ELP Rep’s Link

Farewell 

It is with deep sadness that we say goodbye to Brittany Hughes, ELP Rep at Ft. Myers Women’s Center who served for 4 years. Brittany has served the students and staff well both at her local campus and at our ELP Summits. Brittany will be missed.

Welcome

This month we welcome 4 new ELP Rep’s; Rod Hughes (Tallahassee), Dan Williams (Middle GA), Nicole Petty (Southwest FL W) and Jenny Northern (Columbus W). Welcome leaders! Thank you for answering the call to raise up sons and daughters on your campuses and to seed to the nations. Huge responsibility, but with the Holy Spirit’s guidance we can do it!

Level I Adult

This month our core course is Team Building and our text is The 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player by John Maxwell. In this book Maxwell outlines the successes of team players who have been:

  • Intentional – making every action count toward a long-term goal
  • Relational – focused on others
  • Selfless – willing to take a subordinate role for the sake of the team
  • Tenacious – hardworking and optimistic in the face of setbacks

Maxwell shows how these qualities, and many others, impact the team and its success. The 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player is not feel-good platitudes and abstract thinking but concrete actions designed to improve the value of every team player.

Level I Adolescent

Our course for the Adolescent track is Leading Others and our text: Habitudes 3 – The Art of Leading Others by Tim Elmore. This book is the final in a series of 3 books. The leadership journey begins with self-leadership. We must lead ourselves before we lead anyone else. Next we learn to lead up – in relationships with those over us. Then, we learn to lead and influence those around us. Finally, we lead those under our care.

Monthly Book Orders and Grades

Southeast region Rep’s can go to Google Drive and search for ELP Monthly Order Form and Grade Sheet Edited. Look for your center’s name in the tabs at the bottom and fill in your center’s information. No need to save or email the spreadsheet (Google Drive saves it and I can access the info from my Drive). If you place an initial order on the form and update the order later (i.e. add 2 more books) after we have ordered your books, please send Kerry Pevey (ELP Admin Asst) an email at kerry.pevey@teenchallenge.cc. Blessings!

Level II – June 2014

Welcome!

This month we want to welcome Thomas Payne (Jacksonville Men’s) and Kevin Snelling (Central Florida Men’s) to the Level II!

Core Courses

Our core course this month is Leadership Principles and our text: 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John Maxwell. With Learning the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership you will be trained on how to become a better and more productive leader. You will discover the 21 laws that make leadership work successfully and learn valuable techniques that will help you to improve your abilities in that area.  This study comes with a promise that if you know these laws and do them systematically, you will succeed beyond all expectations.  “Follow these laws and people will follow you.”

I will be sending out the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership DVD’s to your center. Remember to return these at the end of your course, if you don’t your center will be charged the cost of the DVD’s $299.99 (plus tax). The first post will be up on the forum Monday, June 16th.

Electives

Congratulations to Derek Zimmerman (Oklahoma) for moving on to your electives!

Looking forward to chat with you on the discussion forum.