Conflict Resolution

Whenever I think of conflict resolution I go back to my many hours of management training…watching “The Office”! There’s an episode where the manager, Michael Scott, takes the HR Manual and decides to resolve a major conflict in the office. Oscar and Angelia are in conflict over a poster that Angelia has up. It’s a picture of babies playing in a jazz band. Oscar finds it offensive and believes it should be taken down, however Angelia loves it and wants to see it every day. Michael steps in, being the great manager that he is, and decides to resolve this in one of the 6 models presented in the HR Manual. He chooses the Win, Win Win model, this is the one where all parties win including the moderator. He saves the day by making Oscar wear a t-shirt with the image on it so he doesn’t have to see it and Angelia can see it all day!

Conflict Resolution

While I would not suggest this as a model or resolution to issues like this in your area of influence, I would suggest taking on conflict resolution and confrontation with his intentionality in this episode. Generally speaking, people do not enjoy conflict or confrontation, however it is a necessary part of leadership.

While preparing for the Summit/Staff Days I have been reading through John Maxwell’s EQUIP teaching on “Leading When Times are Tough”. One of the topics challenges us on the fact that confrontation is biblical and gives multiple examples found in scripture. (II Corinthians 10:4-5; I Thessalonians 5:14; II Timothy 4:2-4; Colossians 1:28; Titus 1:13)

He states “your goal is to see them transformed by the power of God…not condemnation, but restoration”. Those we lead need to know that we love them, but need to know that we love truth more than anything!

I have taken a few of Maxwell’s Steps Toward Effective Confrontation and condensed them for you:

  1. Pray through your own anger and initiate the contact.
  • Don’t let emotion lead you. Wait until you’re objective, but deal with the issue             before they become too big.
  •  Don’t wait for them, scripture beckons you t make things right whether you are          the offender or the offended person.
  1. Explain what you have seen and/or heard and how you understand it.
  • Bring up the issue, and explain you don’t understand what’s happened.
  • The meeting may be more of a clarification than a confrontation. Give them the         benefit of the doubt and allow them to explain themselves.
  • It’s important to not attribute motives in this step, make this meeting a “fact                 finding meeting” initially.
  1. Listen and allow them to respond.
  • You must stop and allow them to respond. They may present a new perspective      that will help you both.
  • They may also throw up on you, listen anyway.
  1. Establish forgiveness and repentance, if necessary.
  • Connect the issue you are correcting with who they are in Christ. Don’t conclude       the meeting until forgiveness is extended and issues are clear and resolved.
  1. Pray and affirm you appreciation as you close your time together.
  •  Always close these times with prayer. Give them hope, and remind them od their     place in God’s heart and yours; help them never to question that they are loved.

Another good example of how to walk through confrontation is found in Ken Blanchard’s “The New One Minute Manager”. He calls it a One Minute Re-Direct and it breaks down like this:

  1. Re-Direct people as soon as possible.
  2. Confirm the facts first, and review the mistake together—be specific.
  3. Express how you feel about the mistake and it’s impact on results.
  4. Pause – be quiet for a moment to allow people time to feel concerned about what they’ve done.
  5. Remember to let them know that they’re better than their mistakes, and that you think well of them as a person.
  6. Remind them that you have confidence and trust in them, and support their success.
  7. Realize that when the Re-Direct is over, it’s over.

For me, one of the most powerful points of both of these methods for confrontation is the fact finding meeting. I am a leader that naturally assumes people’s motives and this step has helped me slow down and explain how I see the situation and ask what actually happened. Sometimes I have been right and me slowing down allowed the person to see their wrong doing and repent. Other times I have been wrong and it was a good thing I did not come into the meeting swinging and making accusations.

Confrontation is going to happen in any healthy organization and it certainly happens in Teen Challenge. I challenge you as leaders to be as intentional as possible when approaching these conversations. You have the opportunity to correct and build people up as an important part of the body of Christ or tear people down and leave them in your wake.

Article by: Dustin Nance, DL of Training & Hope Outreach

3 Key Ingredients of a Coaching Conversation

Allowing our graduates to walk out their freedom in Christ while at Teen Challenge is necessary to prepare them to live successful Christian lives after TC. When a student first enters the program we tell them what to do because they are a new babe in Christ. As they become spiritually mature, we give them more responsibility to make decisions with the help of the Holy Spirit. This is key to helping our graduates transition back to society as productive citizens and where coaching is especially helpful in the discipleship process.

Being led by the Holy Spirit to ask the right questions at the right time of the right person

Two people having a conversation

Two people having a conversation

will help them develop the critical thinking skills necessary to adjust to life after TC. This will require several coaching conversations. A coaching conversation has three key ingredients which will move the person forward:

  1. Explores – connect with the students where they are at. Talk about the things they want to talk about. This is the student’s time to explore what’s inside of them and to have a simple conversation that will help them dream about the possibilities for their future.
  2. Excites – Get excited about  the things they are excited about. Excitement or joy is contagious and fires up the brain to create. If you are excited about their future, they are excited too and they will believe it’s possible to create. A joyful heart is good medicine.
  3. Exhorts – Be an Encourager – a Barnabas. Along the way, the student will meet upon obstacles which may prevent them from becoming who God created them to be. Your role is to encourage them to live from a stance of victory and not defeat. Encourage them to turn the trials into opportunities.

I have found that the best coaching conversations are in the moment – as you go about daily life on campus. You can draw out so much more when you are in a relaxed environment. Listen and watch for the moment to coach and ask these powerful questions:

What is here that you want to explore?
How does this fit with your plans and values?
What are you willing to do to accomplish this?
What support will you need along the way?
What is your desired outcome?

Article Submitted by: Andree Aiken, ELP Leader/Coach, TC Southeast

 

The ELP is the K.E.Y to forging our future

The ELP is the K.E.Y to forging our future. The key to Teen Challenge’s future will be determined by the number of us who will be willing to follow the Lord and to be faithful to His call. If we would spend time with the Lord it’s amazing what we will see. Forge means “to move ahead steadily.” Towards what? Our future – “a time yet to come.” God is working on us for a time yet to come; a purpose yet to come.

Know God’s call

A Silversmith sticks metal into the fire, then they beat that piece of metal and forge it into whatever they want it to be. The process includes pain, it includes time and it includes silversmithheat. When we do our part, the Holy Spirit will do the hammering. We spend time in the Word and get to know God and He will tell us what’s the calling He has for us. It’s a process of heat, hammering, heat, hammering and all the while God is working on us until we emerge into who He wants us to be. If we are going to grow and if we are going to release, God has to knock some stuff off of us.  Let healing come because God has a purpose for your life and it’s bigger than you can imagine and it’s more than you can imagine. If we trust Him and get to know Him and get that fear out of us we will do more than we can ever imagine. We must have vision – see beyond the present.

Embody the Vision and Values 

The Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG) for TCSE is to “become to life-transformation what Apple is to technology.” It’s expanding, being committed and having a spirit of excellence that delivers life-transformation across this region. The Global dream is “to put hope within reach of every addict.” Embody the vision and values of who we are, and these values will find their way into everything we do in the future. How do we know God’s will? The Lord usually doesn’t tell us the whole path and everything about it; generally it’s one or two steps – we see it, we see beyond where we are at now, God gives us a vision but we don’t see how we are going to do it all. We just say “yes, Lord” and allow Him to prepare us.

Yearning to Learn

We’ll never really get to where were want to be without studying. Proverbs 9:8 says “instruct a wise man, he’ll be wiser still, teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.” Leaders are learners, leaders are listeners – we listen twice as much as we talk especially when we are developing relationships with others and winning people to Jesus. Listen with your eyes, listen with your ears, listen with your heart to what others are saying. Great leaders are always learning; seeking out new ways to benefit the organization, to better themselves and to move things down the path.  We have a vision to put Hope Outreaches across this region and with God’s help we’ll do it. We want to go in and impart hope and reach out to addicts and to really make a difference. God can use us to be a servant right where we are at and when He is ready for the next step He’ll make it known. It’s generally already observed by others and they are the ones who will say “hey, I have the next step for you and here it is.”

There is always purpose in timing, there is always purpose in the pain and God is working in you and in the people around you. Learn to submit to the authority over you. The spirit of a servant says where can I serve, how can I be in your presence Lord and know You and let my life count? Know God’s call for your life, Embody the values that God has put in your heart as a TC leader and have that “Yearning to learn.”

Excerpts from the 2105 ELP Summit presented by Dr. Jerry Nance.

 

Rep’s Link – Aug 2014

Put it on your calendar to watch the next Revolutionized Leadership Webinar on Friday, Aug 15th at 10:30 am (EDT) via Google Hangouts on Air. You don’t need a Google account to tune in. I’ll send you an invite closer to the date.

Level I Adult 

This month we are continuing with the course Boundaries by Dr. Henry boundariesCloud. By now your emerging leaders are learning some vital lessons about boundaries. What is one way you can help your emerging leaders set proper boundaries this week?

Level I Adolescent

Our course for the Adolescent track is Servant Leadership and our text: Help, I’m a Student Leader by Doug Fields. Although this book is set in the context of a church youth group, the leadership principles can be applied anywhere. In this book your emerging leaders will learn:

  1. How Jesus led others
  2. Figure out how to be more helpful to others
  3. Discover the secrets of getting others involved
  4. How to listen better
  5. And, Deepen their faith by helping others

Monthly Book Orders and Grades

Southeast region Rep’s can go to Google Drive and search for ELP Monthly Order Form and Grade Sheet Edited. Look for your center’s name in the tabs at the bottom and fill in your center’s information. No need to save or email the spreadsheet (Google Drive saves it and I can access the info from my Drive). If you place an initial order on the form and update the order later (i.e. add 2 more books) after we have ordered your books, please send me an email andree.aiken@teenchallenge.cc. Thank you.